Just so’s we’re on the same page, check out this clip from Tracey Ullman’s new show were she plays an Indian pharmicist who explains medications to her clients through Bollywood-style song and dance numbers.
Funny. Not rolling-on-the-floor-laughing hilarious, but definitely funny.
I just read an article in the Sunday New York Times about the stress put on people who blog 24/7 (click here to see the story).
Clearly, the article is not about me.
What I’m trying to say is that I have a new job and I’m trying to put my life back together, so bare with me as we go into a bit of radio silence.
We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programing soon, at which time we will continue with Miss Bolly’s Awesome Brush with Bollywood. Hopefully I will have at least one reader left at that point.
Hugs and kisses,
Miss Bolly
When we last left off, the skies had opened up to allow a host of heavenly angels to descend in my general vicinity, and all because Shahrukh Khan might show up at this fabulous wedding celebration.
Well, at any rate, he wasn’t there yet. Shubra, the Wonder Woman, found me again on the wall surrounding the courtyard. I told her how I had been rushing to get here in time after a very busy day. I’d forgotten to put on lipstick and the bangles I had been meaning to put on. I hadn’t even had time to really do my hair properly.
“Do you want my make-up artists to do your make up?” She asked. “They’re professionals. You would look so nice!”
Let me think about that for a minute…
“Uh, yeah!”
So she takes me back stage and points out the tents where the stars and dancers are getting ready. Then she take me into a large, well-lit tent, plunks me down and talks to this guy whose wearing a fanny pack full of make-up brushes. They decide in Hindi to do something to match my outfit and she rushes off to do something else for a few minutes.
Here is proof this actually happened:
I didn’t get too many pictures that evening because there was so much going on. When I handed the other people in the tent my camera and motioned I wanted them to take a photo, they were REALLY amused. After all, this is something that happens every day for them.
After a few minutes, Shubra returns and tells me they’ll have to finish after a few minutes because she wants to show me the entrance way (which I had missed in my confusion when I tried to come in the back way. The security guards at the back had refused to let me through at first, but they were really nice about it. After they figured out that I was NOT going away they finally just waved me through.)
At the main entrance way, Shubra has arranged for all these local Rajasthani performers and artists to be displaying their crafts. There were dancers and artisans and a guy in disguise who changed his disguise really quickly. So she grabs my hand and pulls me to the front entrance saying, “I’m going to get you some free stuff.”
Well, I’m all down for free stuff. I danced with the dancers and got some beautiful bangles and a soap stone Ganesha and some other things.
And then after it was all over, Shubra took my hand, dragged me back to the make-up tent and plunked me back down to get my make-up finished. The show was going to start in about ten minutes.
To be continued…
~ Miss Bolly
Last night on his show Stephen Colbert said, “Shahrukh Khan could not tie… that other guy’s shoes.”
The other guy is of course Amitabh Bachchan, whose name Stephen hilariously mispronounced as something like “Oomitab Budget.”
Now, I’m a huge fan of Stephen (witness my loving rip off of his Dead to Me List), but I do not hold with his favoritism of Amitabh over my FPMEXH (Fake Pretend Movie Ex Husband).
We may just need to agree to disagree on this one.
View the video for yourself here: Colbert Report: Shashi Tharoor Interview
Either way, Stephen needs to put his money where is mouth is and have Amitabh Bachchan (or Shahrukh) on his show, because, really, how awesome would that be?
By the way, Shashi Tharoor’s voice is incredible. He should do books on tape.
~ Miss Bolly
When last we left off, I had just stepped into the party in my beautiful lilac dress made out of an old sari and killer heels and seen Sanjay Dutt not twenty feet away from me off to my left.
He’s very tall in person. He was stooping to hear the man talking to him and seemed to be concentrating very hard on what the person was saying.
Trying to act all cool and like I belonged (HA!), I pulled out my cell phone to call Shubra, the wonderful superwoman responsible for getting me into this thing. After some more confusion, we finally found each other. She pointed out her husband (also called Sanjay), sitting up on the fortress wall surrounding half of the courtyard and tells me to go join him. Up on the wall someone has set up chairs for a better view of the stage down below.
So while Shubra is making her rounds and doing last minute prep, I talk with Sanjay and ask him who else is going to be here.
“Well, I don’t know if you know any politians, but that’s the former prime minister of India right there. And the Finance minister over there…” and he points out a few more, but clearly I couldn’t care less about that show me some STARS please.
“Salman Khan is performing tonight. Katrina Kaif is here. And Govinda.” That’s more like it.
“Also, Shahrukh Khan is supposed to be coming later.”
And then this angelic choir suddenly descended from the sky is an aura of heavenly light and sang beautiful hymns of praise for His glory. Meaning, I suddenly got religion. And by “His,” clearly I mean Ganesha’s.
To be continued…
~ Miss Bolly
Jodhaa Akbar (2008)
Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai, and…there were other people in this movie? Oh, yeah, the voice of Amitabh Bachchan
Directed by: Ashutosh Gowariker
It’s amazing that Aiswarya Rai is one of the most beautiful people in the world, if not THE most beautiful, and Hrithik Roshan still manages to be even prettier than she in this movie. Well, he does that most movies, actually. We think it’s his eyes.
Not to mention the rest of him.
But then Hrithik Roshan is probably the only saving grace of this film. Set in the 16th century it tells the story of the historical figure of Akbar the Great, Moghul Emperor of India and his probably not-so-historical Hindu wife Jodhaa Bai, played by, who else, Aishwarya Rai.
The plot is essentially a love story with a few boring hours of court intrigue and badly-choreographed battles thrown in. The love story is well acted, if not well edited (one of the love-making scenes pulled a Return of the King and had five different endings). Hrithik, with his anachronistically perfectly gelled hair, puts those awesome eyes to good use in conveying first anger, now confusion, now pain, and finally the perfect imitation of someone who’s been walloped by the love stick (or lurve shtick, as some like to call it). So. Hot. No, seriously, he’s like liquid sex.
Aishwarya carries herself off admirably. She is definitely eye-candy in the same way that Hrithik is eye-candy. This movie offers equal opportunity for gawkers of all persuasions. The problem is that the film makers didn’t give Aish much to do beyond acting shyly defiant. Such is the way of women’s roles, I suppose. How awful. I had a major problem that they very early on set up her character’s mastery of the sword (the actress could barely hold the thing), only to have her lose a duel to her husband. Akbar has so many assassins after him at all times, would it have killed them to stretch history just that much more and maybe have her save his neck for once with those supposedly awesome skills?
Even so, the sexual tension in the sword fight scene? Hot.
Of course, the question of the night is The Kiss. Will they repeat the Dhoom 2 smacker or are Aish’s kissing days done? Well, to find out, you’ll just have to go see the movie, because I’m not telling, even though I have MUCH to say on the matter.
Also disappointing was the lack of big production dance numbers. Clearly this movie is the perfect opportunity and it was badly wasted. The only big production number the film features “dancers” who look as though they have been pulled off the streets and asked, “Hey, wanna be in a Bollywood movie?” and then forced into large, sloppy formations for what should have been impressive wide-angle shots. Run-on sentence much? That said, the music is very beautiful.
My aunt in Toronto wrote me an email a few days back telling me she had seen this movie called Jodhaa Akbar that featured two of the most physically beautiful people she had ever seen. Her daughter told her it was one of those Bollywood films and she said that she felt she had seen a movie for the first time in her life.
These are pretty high praises to sing a relatively mediocre movie, but it makes me wonder if this isn’t one of those rare magical films that could make more converts. I would ask other people to try it on their non-Filmi friends and report back. I have since recommended to my aunt that she see Devdas and Lagaan. Maybe I will have brought another one into the fold.
May the Filmi be with you. (I can’t believe I just wrote that)
Does referencing both Lord of the Rings and Star Wars in the same post on Bollywood officially make me a total geek?
~ Miss Bolly
It was the night of the 23rd of February. I’d been in India for 24 days already. I was leaving to go to Delhi at 6 a.m. the next morning, and then back to America the morning after that. I’d been sight-seeing and horse-back riding in Udaipur for the previous few days.
While visiting the City Palace on the morning of the 23rd, our hired guide had appologized for the unusal circumstances under which we were seeing the Palace. People were running around, busily setting up for a wedding.
Aviation Minister Praful Patel’s daughter’s wedding, to be exact. The man had rented out both City Palace (the largest palace in Rajasthan, 2nd largest in India) AND Lake Palace (it’s on its own island) for the wedding
So, essentially, this is a BIG wedding complete with big men and women from politics and BOLLYWOOD in attendance.
And I had an invite. Sort of.
I got in, that’s the point.
The wedding was over two or three days, and on the night of the 23rd was a stage show, an enormous, quality production featuring some of the best back-up dancers in the business not to mention, SALMAN KHAN, KATRINA KAIF, and GOVINDA.
The show was directed and produced by my friend’s cousin. After a few phone calls, dress & shoe shopping, and a little bit of a confusion, I walked into the party and found myself standing not twenty feet away from SANJAY DUTT.
To be continued…
So, this is a totally awesome pic taken of me at the human-made Tiger Lake outside of Udaipur. For the record, the horse is Mawari and called Manchaa, which my guide translated as something like, “Heart’s Desire”.
More to come soon. I am back in Phoenix and recovering from jet lag.
~ Miss Bolly
Okay, that’s horrible, and I can’t believe I just put it as the title of my post.
Here’s the deal: I’M IN INDIA. I have been at a computer a total of four times in twenty days. That is UNHEARD OF for me. Usually it’s like, hours and hours and hours a day.
So needless to say, this trip has done some changing of the Miss Bolly self. Even if it’s probably only temporary.
I don’t have a lot of time to make a really long post, but rest assured! I have been jotting down notes in my handy little blue and tope notebook this whole time! More expanded thoughts forthcoming.
In the mean time, some tidbits and highlights:
1. I have definitely been seeing the posher side of India.
2. I came THIS CLOSE to meeting Shahrukh Khan and in a few days I will likely see Salman Khan and Govinda perform, if my luck holds out.
3. I no longer think “Yes,” “No,” or “Oh, really” in my head. Now it’s automatically “Hahn ji,” “Ji nay” or “Achaa.” Imagine my EXTREME CONFUSION when I met a french woman on a plane and tried speaking French with her because my French was about as good as her English. So now we have Yes-Hanh-Oui, No-Nay-Non, and Oh really-Achaa-Ah bon. Holy crap, my head was spinning.
4. The Taj was really beautiful, but even more awesome was commandeering a horse outside the Taj and racing down the streets of Agra. Literally. I was racing a horse-drawn carriage. Gave me a run for my money too, he did.
5. I’ve given my autograph several times already, and gotten my picture taken. I felt like a Bollywood star. Only not really.
6. Everyone has tried to feed me so much that it hurt. I literally started feeling fear at the sight of food being brought out from the kitchen. India has practically cured me of the need to eat.
7. I saw Jodhaa-Akbar in a big theatre in Lucknow with someone translating most of it for me. I think I’m going to need to see it again before I make any judgements.
Okay, that’s all for now. Also expect more pictures after I get back. I’m currently in Udaipur and planning to go horse back riding for most of tomorrow.
~ Miss Bolly
